Hot Cross Buns
by Jeihreal
Summary: Aya breaks a flower pot, Yohji stops dating girls, Farferello started singing church hymns, and suddenly everyone is having a running contest with Schuldig in the lead! What in Schwarz's name is going on? This is the beginning of an endless screwed up jou


Episo.. er, I mean, Chapter 1 : Ware my evil eye

1st note : (moans) Jakrieeeez  
2nd note : Yes, yes. This chapter was written by her (points up), btw. 3 I think I should not write too long on the shounen-ai warning. Well, it IS under the WK fics section. XD

Disclaimer : Weiss Kreuz and all its characters do not belong to us. If they did, even the ground would be steaming from their flaming gayness. XDD

**At the Koneko**

The sudden crash which signaled the demise of yet another flowerpot was not met with the customary eye rolling and the "Ken, have the flowerpots offended you in your past life?" complaint. This was because, this time, Ken was the 'innocent' bystander, and Aya the culprit.

"What?" Aya snapped defensively. Ken backed up a little, hands thrown up in a 'don't shoot me' gesture. "Nothing, nothing..."

Aya snorted and turned around to go to the back store.. and promptly walked into a wall.

A bit later...

"Yohji? What's wrong?"

The blonde was crouched behind the counter, whimpering "I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I like boobs, for Gawd's sake!" Some of the customers at the flower shop looked scandalized at that last statement, though the majority looked exorbitantly pleased. Mostly the fan-girls.

Omi flushed and dragged Yohji by his collar to the back of the shop with a, "C'mon, you're scaring away all our customers.", blatantly ignoring all the "Wait, wait, see mine!" calls of girls who had been overdosed with hormones.

**Much later, at Schwarz's Headquarters**  
(yes, they have a HQ. It's where they plot evil, sketch master plans and cook dinner)

"What unfortunate angel pissed on you _this_ time, Farf?"

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound  
That saved a wretch like me.."

"Farf, diabolically evil and gorgeous telepath speaking here."

"I once was lost, but now I'm found  
T'was blind, but now I see..."

"I've heard somewhere before that singing praises to God makes the almighty one _happy_, Farf. Singing does _ not_ hurt God. Ring any bells?"

"T'was grace that taught my heart to fear  
And grace my fears be lived  
How precious did that grace appear  
The hour I first believed.."

"Fine, ignore me all you want. I'm sure God will be extremely pleased at the prospect of another devoted insane one-eyed church kissing albino."

"I'm not an albino. The Lord has promised good to me, my hope secures"

"Uh huh, and I'll be here whenever you need a lobotomy, dear friend." Schuldig was sprawled lazily into the couch, eyeing his team mate warily. "Where's Nagi? He's supposed to give you your meds-"

The sudden banging of a door made Schuldig trail off and leap to his feet, with a rapturous cry of "BRAD!", before tearing to the front of the house and into someone's arms. Of course, what should have followed after, was a rough push or even a Magnum pressed to his forehead. Instead, those arms closed around a very surprised-but pleased nonetheless- German.

_Hah, I **knew** it would affect him. Play hard to get, eh, Braddy-boy? No one can resist Schuldig in the game of luuuurve..._

At that moment, Farferello had finally decided that God had had enough praises for the day, and stopped singing. One white head popped into view, and a golden raptor-like eye stared unblinkingly at the embracing couple wordlessly. Schuldig turned his head around to grin victoriously at the Irishman, before snuggling into the other man's leather coat again, which smelled strongly of cigars and stale beer. Mmmm... what the hell? Since when did Crawford smoke, or drink when there wasn't a client around to entertain? Blue eyes blinked, before looking up. Farf silently left for his room, just as the door behind the frozen couple opened again to reveal the leader of the notorious team of assassins, Schwarz. Brad Crawford took off his shoes, and slung his coat over one arm, before sparing Schuldig a glance and a nod.

"Don't play too long. Esset will not be pleased."

And with that laconic greeting, he strode sedately into the house. One very-sick-to-the-stomach, diabolically evil and gorgeous telepath dropped the blonde he had been snuggling into with a look of disgust on his face. "What the hell! Gross," he whined. Yohji adjusted his jacket defensively. "Suuure, blame the victim, why don't you."

"Excuse me, who's the victim here?" Schuldig snapped, as he backpedaled from his arch enemy. Never mind that only this morning he had been... "What do you want? And how did you manage to find this place? "

"Address was in the telephone book."

"..."

"..."

"Who's name was it listed under?"

Yohji rolled his eyes. "Never mind that. Look, the reason I was here, is that, erm..."

"Fight? Sure, sure, set an appointment, willya?" Schuldig dusted imaginary dust off his green jacket and waved a hand dismissively at Balinese. "Never knew you were such a stickler for detail, good versus bad, good must fight till the end and all-"

"NO! Look, it's not about that, okay? I came here to talk about... this morning.." Yohji began edging nearer tentatively to Schuldig, who backed up again

"This morning? Geez, it was just a game, damnit. What about it? Now look, stay there, stop coming closer, stay, _stay_-" At that moment, Schuldig just had an insight to what was going on in Balinese's mind (well, duh. He's a telepath) and was stunned stupid.

Yohji tackled a very stunned stupid German and pinned him to the wall.

"Mmmph!" Schuldig squeaked, very nearly regretting his diabolically evil ways.

**At the Weiss' flat **(sadly, they have no HQ, unless you count the Koneko as one)

"So I asked him what was wrong, and he just went on and on and I only got the barest hints out of him, something about boobs and gayness and redheads, and then he just shot up and fled out of the shop, screaming something like 'I've found my calling'. Or something like that. Could have been 'falling', for all I could make out, and are you listening to me?"

Ken popped another cookie into his mouth. "Sure I'm listening to you, Omi. Yohji likes boobs and gays and he fell down."

"Excuse me while I go knock my head against an extremely hard wall..." Omi muttered as he left the kitchen. As he was heading for his room, he heard the doorbell ring. Opening it revealed Prodigy standing at the the doorstep.

"Hi, and no, I'm not here to kill you. Not this time, at least." Nagi said to the pair of enormous blue eyes peeking at him from the relative safety of the door. "Have you seen Schuldig? Brad sent me out for him. He was last seen with your Balinese. It's okay too, if you've killed him and disposed of his body in some far reaches of the planet. I'd need the details though, if you don't mind." He shoved his hands into his pockets and waited expectantly.

Omi blinked.

**Back at Schwarz's HQ**

"Blondes hurt God," Farferello muttered, as he cleaned his knives.

_tbc_


End file.
